The Hosers Guide to Canada...
(or the Tim Sanderson scrapbook)
Growing up, Tim had trouble finding a best friend. Since his parents felt sorry for him (especially since his sister is so hot and Tim, well..) So the story goes that his parents shopped the countryside for the largest moose slice they could find, tied it around his neck, and prayed that someone (or some animal) would play with him. Eventually, Tim found his best friend in the world, Bob. In fact, here's a picture of Tim and Bob right after they found each other.
As Tim and Bob grew stronger in their friendship, they were inseparable. In fact, they participated in some wacky Canadian medical study to see how friends got along long-term if they were surgically joined at the shoulders. The experiment went fairly well, and in fact is responsible for Tim's incredible ability to walk backwards. Here is Tim and Bob in one of the "happier" times of the experiment.
Eventually they separated, however, and as the sad story goes, Tim left Bob for his imaginary friend, Mikey the Moose, whom as the tale goes (at least in Tim's mind) had the largest moose cock in all of Canada. This made Tim very proud. In fact, his ability to "handle" Mikey was the driving force behind Tim's self-declared nickname "Tim the Mighty". Here is a sketch of Mikey (sans large cock).
And so the story goes that Tim "the Mighty" Sanderson, filled with new enthusiasm and confidence, went out into the world in search of new adventures. Here is Tim singing, dancing, and stargazing with some of his new friends. It was a magical time.
Which leads us to today...Tim has become a very successful consultant and has a beautiful girlfriend (his first!). She was attracted to his nerdy, debonair style and quick wit, but especially to his collection of special colored pens. (ed. those things are damned impressive). Here is Tim and his gal in one of their more intimate moments...
Some of Tim's favorite links:
The proper spelling of Canada is C eh, N eh, D eh
Tim's favorite joke:
Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals. France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant." America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit." Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire." The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"
Typical conversation of Tim and Kate and an unknown Canadian guest at his dinner party...
|Tim:||You Are Our Guest, g'day and...|
|Kate:||Coo roo coo coo, coo coo coo|
|Kate:||Coo roo coo coo, coo coo coo coo|
|Tim:||Sorry. So g'day. Welcome to You Are Our Guest.|
|Kate:||It's a party, eh? And like it was my idea.|
|Tim:||Aw, take off! Okay, so I'm Tim Sanderson, this is my sister Kate.|
|Kate:||How's it going, eh?|
|Tim:||Okay, so what you do is, you take the album where it's got all this written down, eh? You follow it along and you are our Guest.|
|Tim:||And like, there's even a chair here for you.|
|Kate:||But like, there's no one in it, eh? So like you're not really our guest, eh?|
|Tim:||Geez hosehead, will you stop blowing everything?|
|Tim:||Okay, so g'day! C'mon up here, sit down. Welcome.|
|Guest:||G'day, how's it going?|
|Tim:||Pretty good. So this is your first time on the show, eh? You're not nervous, eh?|
|Guest:||No Tim, I'm pretty comfortable.|
|Tim:||Can I get you a beer, or back bacon?|
|Guest:||No thanks Tim, I just ate. Say, you guys like my toque?|
|Tim:||Yeah. It's a beauty.|
|Guest:||Kate, don't you like my toque?|
|Tim:||Our guest asked you a question.|
|Kate:||There's nobody here but me and you, hosehead.|
|Guest:||Excuse me, can I say something?|
|Kate:||Oh so now you're talking to our guest, eh hoser?|
|Tim:||Okay, but only cuz he tricked me, eh?|
|Guest:||Listen you hosers, the only reason I came to this party was to tell you guys that the idea of having me as your guest is stolen.|
|Kate:||It was his idea.|
|Tim:||Take off, it was not!|
|Guest:||Look, I don't care which one of you hosers ripped it off but it's been done before. In other parties. And all you've proven by doing this is that you're a couple of hosers.|
|Kate:||Yeah, well you're a hoser for going along with it this far.|
|Tim:||Yeah, and because like you're doing it with us that makes you a thief too, eh?|
|Guest:||Take off! I am not!|
|Kate:||Yeah, well you take off!|
|Guest:||Okay hosers, that does it. I'm never coming to one of your parties again. You two deserve each other. But you don't deserve me! G'day!|
|Tim:||Wait. Give us one more chance.|
|Tim:||Oh, nice going. Look what you did!|
|Kate:||What I did? You did it! You stole the idea.|
|Tim:||No, I thought of it too, eh! It must have been a coincidence. You want me to go get your guest back?|